I sat on the warm pavement in the dark and stared upwards. I was covered by a blanket of night sky and the atmosphere was heavy with the day's heat. It's not safe here, on the wrong side of the door, but I didn't care.
I thought about where I was on that crisp fall. Freshly aged a new year and with a song blossoming in my heart. I had that... That something I think I loved. I don't know if I did or not, but it was close.
I was a wandering girl and I met a boy. Something about him; I was so taken by him. His voice, his thoughts, his cheshire smile. We met as the leaves were turning and the world was whithering. But the thing between us, it was thriving. It grew and evolved, stretching its leaves out into the cold, late autumnal sun. Slowly it would bloom, tiny flower after tiny flower.
I don't know how I lost that game. Maybe I was too far away. Maybe I wasn't pretty enough. Maybe I wasn't smart or funny or quirky enough. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.
But that something... That something I think I loved. I don't know if I did or not, but it was close.
I still feel it sometimes.